Following my PT session yesterday morning I found myself sat in the changing room feeling lower than I have done than at any point this year. The last three and a half months have not gone to plan and as I sat reading work emails whilst still in my sweaty gym gear my head filled with thoughts of giving up. Giving up on my training, my golf ambitions, this blog and even my job. I just didn’t have the desire in me to take the next step.
For someone who always tries to maintain a positive outlook it was a horrible feeling. I have known for weeks that I was close to the point of physical and mental exhaustion but I have kept ploughing on hoping that things would get better. Of course the reality was that they were never going to unless I took action to change things.
As I drove to work I felt nothing but apathy and as the day progressed I found myself failing back into old habits. I ate 7 biscuits in half an hour, I demolished 10 cubes of Dairy Milk and even found myself buying more chocolate to eat on my way to playing golf. I didn’t need the calories and I had already consumed enough chocolate. It was the act of someone trying to find a little happiness in food because other areas of my life were going sideways.
This post has been nothing but negative so far but taking some time out to play nine holes of golf actually made me realise that I needed a fresh start. I didn’t play well (I have barely practised lately) but being on my own in the fresh air allowed me to clear my head and gain some perspective. I even managed to par a few holes and enjoy the experience.
As I walked off the 9th green I decided that things had to change. I needed to redress the balance in my life and that had to start with spending more time with wife. Last night I made us dinner and we just chilled out together on the sofa. It was the first time in a while where we have just hung out together. It felt good and as we talked about things I started to see chinks of light through the grey fog that had descended on me.
I mentally created a list of actions that would help me get back to where I was in earlier in the year and the first one was drawing a line in the sand. What has happened up until now is done, it can’t be changed but I can bank it as experience and move forward. With that in mind I have started putting in plan a place to achieve my goals. It still needs some work but the first nine days are sorted.
So this is the plan:
- Today and tomorrow I am going to eat well, drink three litres of water and do a light cardio session each day.
- On Saturday I am going up to Scotland for a long weekend to watch The Open at Royal Troon and I will eat healthily and drink three litres of water a day.
- Tuesday through to Friday next week I am going to train every morning, eat healthily, drink a minimum of 3 litres of water a day and sleep for 7 hours a night.
If I can do all of that then by the time I sit down next Saturday morning to plan my next steps I will be feeling better both physically and mentally.
At 6:37 this morning I drew a line in the sand, I have three and a half months to achieve my two remaining goals for 2016 and I will not fail!